I turn 22 tomorrow! I can’t believe it’s already been a year of 21. It’s been a long year and I’ve done a lot of growing up.

Things have been okay. As I’ve talked about before, I bought my new car in August and so far the payments plus the car insurance have had literally 0 effect on my life. Like somehow I had an extra $400 a month that I was just spending on nonsense obviously since it has been no issue to spend that money on car payments. I do sometimes feel anxious about this, because with my job, it has an end point. I can’t work in this specific job forever, because eventually the kids will age up and my job will be redundant. I do have probably more than a year left with them. But I don’t have a college education and I can’t afford my current life style on a minimum wage job, so I do get anxious about what my next job will be.

I’ve been spending a lot of time with Baby W. He is almost 6 months old. His mom, my SIL, and I have had some issues because she feels like he likes me better and that everyone thinks I am better with him than she is, which isn’t true but she’s very insecure and it causes rifts between us. I am a natural mom, a natural caretaker. Understanding babies comes so easily to me, as does making them laugh and keeping them happy. But, she has a much harder job with baby W than I do, being that she is responsible 100% for anything that happens to him and she always has to do the hard/tedious stuff (diaper changes, feeding, putting to sleep, etc). not to say she doesn’t love those things, but it is much easier on me because I don’t have to do those things all the time. She loves her baby and her baby loves her, he is just very social and loves attention from others as well.

Bear has been with me since the beginning of September. Before that, I hadn’t seen him since the end of April except for a 3 day visit for our anniversary. He will be leaving in early December probably, and not coming back until February or March. While it does suck to be apart, this situation works best for us since he doesn’t need to leave his family permanently and I am not ready to move there either. He is truly my best friend and the love of my life. Obviously there are no guarantees but I’m not sure how I would move on if we didn’t stay together.

I set up my primary care doctor for the first time ever in October. He put me on the birth control pill (at my request) and called back a few weeks after my labs were done to tell me my thyroid wasn’t functioning correctly and that I needed to be on medication. I’m not sure if there is a diagnoses of hypothyroidism and I won’t know until maybe my next appointment next week. My birth control has made me bleed for the last like 25 days straight and it’s killer. The first two weeks of this it was just light bleeding, but I had bad stomach aches and horrible mood swings and felt very depressed. That all passed, but now my bleeding is heavier and I’ve had bad cramps. I’m hoping when I start my second pack after this placebo week that the bleeding stops, but I will obviously address this with my doctor next week as well. I’ve also had a weird rash pop up on my arm that I feel may be BC related. WHO KNOWS. I feel so tied down taking all these pills all the time.

Anyway, wish me happy birthday!!