7.27.15

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I’m so stressed out today.

It started out sucky, woke up at 5am with my period starting and I didn’t even try to sleep until after 2. I relaxed most of this morning after that, washed my hair, went to see Paper Towns with brother. Movie was good, petco reimbursed me for cat treats I bought my older cat because she hated them, and then I came home.

Bear had an immediate anxiety attack about the car because its registration was up so instead of dealing with it himself, he put the car in my name. So now, I have to get up early on Friday and be at the DMV by 8 am to get the car officially in my name. Maybe I’ll just deal with registration on Friday too and get this all out of the way.

I am also stressed because I work too much and I just cannot handle it. I really appreciate the money but I can’t handle working 5 days straight with 8 hours each. I really can’t. It’s too much, it hurts me too much. I know I need to go to the doctor to see if there’s any reason that at 20 years old I can’t stand 8 hours a day 5 days a week without intense pain in my hips back and legs.

I need to go to the doctor to discuss birth control because I know Bear and I will literally never be able to comfortably even think about sex until I am on some sort of birth control. I’ll never feel safe with just condoms and I know it. Birth control scares me because my body is so sensitive to everything and don’t want it to stop me from having kids one day.

I need to talk to a doctor about my anxiety, about my digestive issues. I need to go back to the dentist because my teeth are still messed up. I need to learn how to be a functional adult and I literally just can’t figure out how to do anything.

7.17.15

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I’m currently sitting in my bed waiting for dinner to be done before I go to work. I work a 6:30-11 shift tonight which sucks because I hate the late shift, but whatever, because I pretty much got the whole day to myself. Bear and I have been watching Big Brother together so we did that this morning and then watched a movie. Movie was lame, time spent with the boy was good.

He’s gone home now but we did have such a good time before he left. We went mini golfing, then to BJ’s for lunch, then to see Inside Out for our anniversary. It really was incredible. I am so enthralled that it’s been over a year and I don’t have this fleeting need to break it off. I wanted out of the relationship with Redbeard for 2 months before I broke it off after we were together for a year.

I have been really anxious lately about the relationship maybe not being where Bear needs it to be. I think this is just because he’s far away now and it’s harder to feel the affection from him when he’s so far, but never the less, I’ve had a lot of anxiety. He hasn’t been so good at calming me, sometimes it feels like he thinks I am being ridiculous for worrying and all I need is a little reminder that he loves me and he’s in this for real. I’ve not been sure how to bring it up so I haven’t, but that hasn’t helped the anxiety.

Things are all good between us, but my anxiety has been really bad. Hopefully it clears up soon.