12.15.14

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I need to write here more often. I think about it a lot and then something else always happens where I can’t.

Lots has happened since last time I posted. I had my 20th birthday and Bear came to visit me. He was here for about 10 days, and it was just incredible. I started my job at Walmart the same week he came, and he was so loving and supportive the whole time. My job as a cashier requires me to be standing for hours at a time and dealing with all sorts of people – some pleasant, others not so much. When I first started working, I came home tired and a little grumpy. Bear made sure I had something to eat and drink as soon as I got home, or when I would come home between school and work, he’d make sure I had a meal ready. We stayed up late together watching movies and tv shows. Some nights, he would be wide awake but I’d be exhausted and I’d sleep on him on the couch while he watched Gilmore Girls. A mouse came out while he was here and we stayed up laughing and being terrified of it. He got along so well with my family. All of them love him – even mom and dad.

The more time we spend together, especially now that I know 100% that he fits in well with my family and every day stuff, the more I realize how much I love him and how good we are together. I always want to be with him, even when he is so frustrating and so annoying and even when I’m tired and grumpy and just want to sleep. There is so much love in him that he gives just to me, and that’s so incredible. He comes back the 19th and I couldn’t be happier.

I decided to drop out of college. I’m working full time and I don’t even want to be a teacher anymore and I was just so stressed out about it. I didn’t want to do it, so I just stopped. Right now, all I want is to work at Walmart and have my relationships and just exist. That’s it. That’s all I want. I think that’s okay. I don’t know why society pressures us so much to know what we wanna do when there’s no point really. I’m so much happier without school. I feel that my dad and mom are disappointed, somewhere in them, that I won’t be graduating from college. They tell me that it’s fine and that they just want me happy, but I think they wanted to see one of their kids graduate. I’m sorry I can’t be that kid. I just have to stop doing things I don’t want to do.

I adopted new kittens Monday (12/1), a boy and a girl. They’re absolutely precious.

Bear is going to be here Thursday and he’ll be leaving Sunday, and then on the 30th, I’m going to see him until the 2nd. and then!! he’s coming home with me for who knows how long. I think we’re getting to a point where he’s just going to move in with me. I am so in love with him.