How do I consistently forget to post here. More than half of my posts begin with something like “wow its been so long”.
So I guess first thing is an update with me and C! He came to visit me in the beginning of November for four days. Before this I’d only known him online so it was a lot. I had no idea what to expect. And now that I’ve had a sexual relationship with TP dating feels like a whole new playing field now. C and I always felt like we had really good chemistry via text but I had no idea how that was going to play out in person.
When he showed up that Thursday, I basically went and met him in his hotel lobby. He came down and found me. I was instantly so shy I couldn’t even look him in the eye, he was immediately coming on strong and complimenting me and looking me in the eyes and it was SO MUCH. Like so much pressure for me all at one time because I’m such a shy person and then I felt pressure because he spent so much money coming to see me and what if I wasn’t enough, and the pressure of having to entertain him for four straight days when I’m such a homebody had me so nervous. He kissed me Thursday night and it was so much more tongue than I was expecting and again, I was still so nervous I couldn’t look at him. So imagine how scary kissing him was!
By Friday night at dinner I could just tell he was getting turned off by how shy I was being but I literally could not get the words out to explain to him that I liked him and that i was only being quiet because I was shy. He was being great about it. He said “why don’t you take me back to the hotel, you can go home and relax, and you can come get me later on and we’ll do something” and I just knew I couldn’t let him go home without telling him. So I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror and basically told myself I needed to talk to him because I was about to ruin something that could be so amazing. I left that bathroom, and I went out there, and I told him something like “I know I’m being quiet and I’m sorry it’s just I’M SO SHY and I tried to warn you before you came out here” and he was visibly relieved and said he just underestimated my shyness but that he was so glad I mentioned it and we talked about it for like 45 minutes. After that things felt so much better, I ended up having dessert with his mom and him that night (his parents came out at the same time for their anniversary!).
Saturday morning he met my family, we went and saw a musical production of Mamma Mia, and then he took me to a really fancy dinner for my birthday. He got me the movie A Quiet Place because him writing a post about that movie is the reason we started talking, and he got me a Dutch Bros cup with a sticker. SO THOUGHTFUL. When he kissed me that night I got butterflies and did not want him to go. Sunday was his last day and we spent in bowling with my friends. It felt so sad to see him go because by that point I’d gotten completely comfortable with him. That Sunday night at dinner we talked about being official and Monday he called me his girlfriend so I guess this is where I’m at. I’m in a new relationship and he lives 3500 miles away. Why do I torture myself.
C and I obviously haven’t been sexual yet and I consistently miss the sex with TP. It’s hard knowing he’d be down and I could go do that if I wanted to but not being able to because I genuinely do want to see things work with me and C. But I have no idea how much chemistry him and I will have in that sense, and I know for a fact TP and I have it, and a girl just needs to get laid. WHY did I decide to date someone who lives so far away.